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Sometimes blogs are hard to write...

Have you wondered sometimes why friends stop writting in their blogs for a while? they are chatting away like a breeze, and then they just go mute. I often did.

Recession is hitting hard in all quarters, in all the world. Except for a few odd nations, it has hit everyone, some harder, some not quite so. I have friends all over the world, blog friends, chat friends, childhood friends who married and left and some who just packed up and decided to see the world. Some of them claim they never will come back to our country. Some others are aching to do so, but their families have lifes of their own. Almost all tell of their happy times wherever they are, but often dissapear and I know nothing of them for weeks at a time. In some cases, for years.

I have recently discovered why my parents said to me that I should enjoy while I was carefree. Carefree? didn't they understand I had homework to do? exams to prepare? decisions to make? Didn't they know I was a nerdy, not really popular girl at school?

Boy was I dumb.

I have not written in a while because I have been a bit depressed. And I didn't want to pass it on to you. I would open the blog window, get ready to write and feel sick to my stomach because I could not write anything cheerful enough for you. I've always thought that the best you can do for others is help make their life a little easier, even if it is only by providing them with a small window of refreshing chat, of good news, of spirit lifting reading. So it was hard, hard, hard to write. I ended up closing the browser, feel miserable and wait for the Friday Fill ins (thank you, Gloria!) that at least allowed me to focus in the better sides of my life.

And then it struck me. This was not a place to pretend to be someone else. This was not an act. I could not just show the better side of my life because who can truly connect with someone who pretends her life (and herself! ) to be perfect! nothing further from the truth! and some very brave, very honest women, very wonderful women put me to shame.... Ale, Tammie, Heather, Rudee, Gloria, Tanya... you have certainly showed me that life doesnt have to be seen through deceiving, rose tinted glasses because it is not sane to do so. I've learned from you that life is what it is, and there's no need to be gloomy, that even when things suck big time, you can always see a silver lining.

So this is me, admiting that I've been feeling down. That I've not been as self confident as I pretend to be. And that's why I quoted Reba: "nothing feels as good as letting go".

This post is a big thank you to all of you, my bloggie friends. Thank you for all you give of yourself, and thank you for helping me keep my sanity.

You can call me from now on Lady Grey.


Rudee said...

CT, I think you managed to find some very honest thoughts to post here.

I think we all have our ups and downs, CT. If not for the downside of life and events out of our control, we'd have no appreciation for what is special in life.

What you do with this writing space is completely up to you, but I like to think of mine as a space to share what I'm thinking. My thoughts may not always be in agreement with others, but so be it. It's my space and they're my thoughts and words. Sometimes I have up days, others, not so much. If I'm perturbed with something, I always try to balance that with a bit of humor, which is really my own pair of rose colored glasses. I feel if I can't laugh at myself first, who can I laugh at?

These days with feelings of disconnect will pass. Try to take them in stride.

OK, that's enough of my gray-haired philosophy. Go on now and have a great weekend. If you don't feel like blogging, don't worry. We'll be here when you do!

Just be happy! said...

I am happy that in some way we can help each other.
You have helped me tons, be sure of that.
LadyGrey, we will get out of the funk, it might take some time, but I have faith that everything will be alright.

Tammie said...

oh ct. im actually crying a bit.

life just seems extra hard right now all around doesnt it? please hang in there and know we, your bloggy friends, are thinking of you.

i think when we're bummed, our first instinct is to isolate ourselves. i know iv'e struggled with my blog the past few months, wondering if im saying too much. but ultimately, i feel better when i let it all out and in turn those seem to be the posts i get the most response too. it seems like we can all relate to hard times. :)

you know, if whatever doesnt kill us makes us stronger, i think our little part of the blog world is going to be filled with a bunch of mega strong women! hang in there. love ya. :)

Alhana said...

Should I call you Helena Ravenclaw, the Grey Lady? Sorry for the pun, just trying to cheer you up. ;-)

There is no obligation to blog and of course nobody expects you to be cheerful 7/24. Just be yourself, we love you the way you are!

Life is hitting hard everywhere, here too. Hope you're strong enough to bear with it and wait until better times come. I'll keep you in my prayers. Hugs <3

marigold jam said...

I agree with the other comments - we all have our ups and downs and some of us have more downs than ups! I hope that you will continue to blog as there are a lot of very supportive bloggers out there and we do understand that life is never all rosy tints. I think that as long as a person isn't always Down and can occasionally see the bright side it make her more approachable and likeable - we all like to fee we are not alone in feeling ssad at times and to have prooff of it in a blog is no bad thing. Have a good cry, get angry or whatever it is you need and then dust yourself down and try again - we're all rooting for you.

Love and hugs


marigold jam said...

Oops - typos in there I am afraid!


Kar said...

We are all human CT. And with that comes the good, the bad and the ugly sometimes. Just blog about what is on your mind dear. You never know, someone else might be having the same kind of day as you and you made a connection with them that helped make the day a little easier.

Life happens! Tell us about it. We are here listening.


Libby said...

I have to agree with what has been mentioned above, CT. Yes, we are all human, yes we have a multitude of feelings, and yes sometimes we don't want to spoil other people's moods with our own somber ones. But the interesting thing is that when we feel down, we bury ourselves within ourselves.

Sometimes we stay indoors, we stop talking, our minds race with all kinds of thoughts. But sometimes it just takes the courage that you have just demonstrated by writing this post to step outside of our norm and do the opposite of what we feel like. Doing so helps us to get some perspective on our feelings, thoughts, and life situations. All of us have our battles and are just trying to survive, but we know that "His grace is sufficient to keep us"!

Be encouraged!

Glo said...

Mommy.......feeling sad from time to time or even depressed is a natural process of life....we all experience periods of sadness and grief. Your brain can feel terrible sometimes it is also part of the body, another organ.....we some how think our brain should never have a bad day. When I feel sad, or depressed I say to myself "it is ok to feel this way, go ahead cry into your pillow gloria, stamp your feets, yell at papi and the kids a bit...let it out"
then I feel better, the bebe's and eposo might not feel so good but hey I am a woman who has hormones and every now and then I have to let it out and every now and then I have to be by myself so I can think, pray, find some serenity and peace.

Tanya said...

I'm sorry that you have been feeling down. I think it is hard to open up to everyone and admit that life is harder than we want it to be. Sometimes it is even good to take a break... from blogging or from socializing. I think God made people so that we can help and get help, but He also made periods of quiet so that we can hear His voice and fall to Him. Much love to you.

Caroline said...

When I read your post I could've sworn it was written by me a few weeks ago. I too, fell into blog silence due to a whole host of worries and thougts. The recession has hit us hard here, my son leaving for school hit me hard, my lil ones growing up, statrting back to work again etc. etc.etc. I had to pull myself up "by the bootstraps". I made myself smila, move, do my best amd the blahs are slowly slipping away. Thanks for sharinga little piece of your heart.


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