Have you wondered sometimes why friends stop writting in their blogs for a while? they are chatting away like a breeze, and then they just go mute. I often did.
Recession is hitting hard in all quarters, in all the world. Except for a few odd nations, it has hit everyone, some harder, some not quite so. I have friends all over the world, blog friends, chat friends, childhood friends who married and left and some who just packed up and decided to see the world. Some of them claim they never will come back to our country. Some others are aching to do so, but their families have lifes of their own. Almost all tell of their happy times wherever they are, but often dissapear and I know nothing of them for weeks at a time. In some cases, for years.
I have recently discovered why my parents said to me that I should enjoy while I was carefree. Carefree? didn't they understand I had homework to do? exams to prepare? decisions to make? Didn't they know I was a nerdy, not really popular girl at school?
Boy was I dumb.
I have not written in a while because I have been a bit depressed. And I didn't want to pass it on to you. I would open the blog window, get ready to write and feel sick to my stomach because I could not write anything cheerful enough for you. I've always thought that the best you can do for others is help make their life a little easier, even if it is only by providing them with a small window of refreshing chat, of good news, of spirit lifting reading. So it was hard, hard, hard to write. I ended up closing the browser, feel miserable and wait for the Friday Fill ins (thank you, Gloria!) that at least allowed me to focus in the better sides of my life.
And then it struck me. This was not a place to pretend to be someone else. This was not an act. I could not just show the better side of my life because who can truly connect with someone who pretends her life (and herself! ) to be perfect! nothing further from the truth! and some very brave, very honest women, very wonderful women put me to shame.... Ale, Tammie, Heather, Rudee, Gloria, Tanya... you have certainly showed me that life doesnt have to be seen through deceiving, rose tinted glasses because it is not sane to do so. I've learned from you that life is what it is, and there's no need to be gloomy, that even when things suck big time, you can always see a silver lining.
So this is me, admiting that I've been feeling down. That I've not been as self confident as I pretend to be. And that's why I quoted Reba: "nothing feels as good as letting go".
This post is a big thank you to all of you, my bloggie friends. Thank you for all you give of yourself, and thank you for helping me keep my sanity.
You can call me from now on Lady Grey.